I started this blog because I feel as if I have not been the leader to my family that they deserve and need. While I may be considered a good husband or father outwardly to others, the truth is, I’m afraid I may be failing at both. My wife and I recently went on the Dr Phil show after I wrote in and confessed to him that I had been an asshole to my wife and needed help. The problem is, while preparing to go on the show I lost site of the original purpose of writing to Dr Phil. While I did confess my sins, which were many, and terrible. No one, and especially not my supposed soul mate, the women I say I love, should ever have been asked to endure what she has gone through over the last few years. I basically made it sound like it was all her fault, she pushed me over the edge. I dumped on her, and made even the slightest flaw or mistake look like a “mountain instead of mole hill”. The producers and editers took all this bullshit ammunition I gave them and ran with it. The mountains I created, were then multiplied by the time the show aired. So the point originally, for me to figure out how to be a better husband and to stop being abusive to my wife, was completely lost. The problem is that I am a great salesman. So good, infact, that not only did I sell myself on the fact that it was all her fault, I sold her on it too, then I sold the show’s producers. Since the show, our relationship has been cold as one may imagine. Who could blame her. Recent events, and echo’s of one thing Dr. Phil did say replaying in my head, have finally brought me to this point. He said something like “You have to be the hero for your family”. Meaning that if anyone is going to pick this family, this marriage up out of the ditch, put it back on track, it has to be me. The family needs a hero, and that hero has to be ME!
I plan to document the journey into my soul and the exorcism of my demons. In doing this maybe I can do what I set out to do originally on the Dr. Phil show…figure out why I’m such an asshole, be nice to my wife, treat her with respect and dignity, and in doing so hopefully pass along thoughts, ideas and experiences to others. Hopefully others can learn from my mistakes.
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